Here we come to the last of this short series of posts where I present why I am a disaster at public relationships.
Read part #3: How to NOT build up your public #3: I don’t promote myself to my friends
Italian version here
It’s the truth. Simply I’m not nice, nor charismatic. I’m surly. Irritable. Sarcastic. Simply disagreeable. My character is disagreeable. My ideas are even more so, and I struggle to find groups where I can feel represented and welcomed. Struggling to find such groups, it’s difficult for me also to find communities to promote myself in. Besides, for what I can see one of the most widespread strategy of self-promotion is simply entering in a community of people with interests similar to yours, showing off, making yourself known and at a certain point saying «Hey, you all, come and have a look at my stuff; I’m so beautiful and so good and what I do is so cool!»
Now, first of all the process of showing off and making myself known looks hard to me, because of the above-mentioned unpleasantness which characterizes me. Not that I never try, let’s be clear, and if something really interests me and I have something to say about it, usually I do it. But I don’t attract many people, probably because, sure enough, I’m just not congenial. Secondly, and probably this is the most important thing here, I’m not convinced at all of what I’m doing. I don’t believe I am so beautiful and so good, and I don’t believe my art is so cool. Because… well, because it simply isn’t. Moreover I am a beginner, and I think you can clearly see that in what I produce. It seems absurd to me to present myself as I’d realized who knows what masterpiece, and even though it’s true that I’m absolutely ridiculous-proof, I don’t feel like putting up such a clowning. I do way more clowning that it’d be ought to, but that’s not my kind. I’m a megalomaniac, all right, but self-praising is not my cup of tea.
This is more my kind of clown
(from “It”, 1990)
So, for the most I try to entertain and attract people just with what I like and what goes through my mind, while I’m also doing my best to produce something (as illustrated in part #1). And again my unpleasantness and my marked lack of self-conviction, if we can call it this way, come into play. The majority of people, when they write posts, article, personal thoughts, any sort of bullshit, often do it as if what they write was very very important and very very right (another variation of “I’m so beautiful and so good and what I do is so cool”, in other words). I am unpleasant, so what I publish probably sounds annoying, and I’m not charming at all. I don’t believe I publish such incredible bright stuff, I’m a perfectionist and I always find a thousand of defects in what I do, and I fear this clearly reflects on my posts. I cannot convince people that what I write is interesting because I myself am not convinced that it is. Starry Stardust, I say to myself, why the fuck do you think people care about what you write? Speaking of which, I suggest you to not encourage me too much: my ego is already more or less as big as planet Earth, so maybe the fact that I feel what I do is not very important is an excellent thing.
Think that a while ago I ended up on a post of a girl who wrote of her last day at high school. It was a well written post, but full of clichés: the good memories, nostalgia for the gone days, the importance of friends and so on and so forth. Extremely banal, but it was written with an air of importance – probably because for her it was really important – and it had a shitload of likes. And I’d like to underline that the fact it was banal is just fine, and if I sound caustic and irritating in this moment it’s just because I’m probably envious: our lives, the lives of everyone, are for a great part constituted by banal things, which nevertheless are very important for us. It’s just fine to write about them, indeed often I take great pleasure in reading accounts of everyday things, even if usually I prefer a way of writing with fewer clichés (but if you like clichés, then by all means go for them). So what I’m trying to say is that this extremely normal post had received a lot of attention, probably because the writer first of all didn’t write like she secretly wanted to detach the head from her readers, and secondarily because you could clearly see she deemed it very important.
I, for the most, irritate people instead. To tell you the truth, I have half an idea to try to build my “career” (big words) on driving people spare, seen that I can do it just fine.
Jesus Christ no, not like that please
By NEXTConf from Berlin, Deutschland (ne_tf-1273) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
If you’re wondering why I don’t put on a mask and I don’t pretend to be a lovely little person, it’s because I’m wearing that fucking mask already every day, and every day I pretend to be cute and cuddly. One of the reasons why I started making art, and why I’ve created this blog and my Facebook page, is that I wanted to be myself as much as possible. What sense does it make to hide behind a ridiculous name to then put on a facade once again? At that point I might as well have used my real name, since I was at it, and increase the number of my followers (not that I can hope to hide forever).
No, thanks a lot, let me be the asshole I am.
And I want you cute and cuddly
(from “Madagascar”, 2005)