Italian version here.
Meeeeerry Christmas decent humans and amazing aliens! Oh, I love Christmas, even if I’ve thrown any religious significance out of the window. Who needs religion to appreciate what’s beautiful? I mean, apart stupid humans. I love the tree, and the lights, and the story of the couple who needs a shelter because she is going to give birth, and the sweets, and the Christmas songs – my favourite is Carol of the Bells, oh my people just love silver bells! They’re a traditional part of our outfit – and the fact that it’s considered a time in which to reunite with the ones you love, friends whom maybe you don’t see so much during the rest of the year… oh yes, Christmas is just awesome. We really don’t need christianity to celebrate it.
Yeah, we generally don’t need religions, not only to celebrate Christmas. We don’t need an illogical book (or more illogical books) written by delirious humans which tells us to NOT respect each other. We love to respect each other. We really do. I bet that could be considered sort of Satanist; your gods keep making a fuss about killing infidels and destroying the ones who don’t dress up the way your gods like, about absolutely doing this and that elsewhere you’re going directly to hell, and in the “this and that” the respecting each other part is more or less at the end of the list. Yes, yes, I’m pretty convinced that if I was to choose between your god and your Satan I would definitely go for the Satan. Satan is the anti-god, so it must be the nicest and kindest guy ever.
Have you noticed that lately, on a lot of mass media, the following antagonism is constantly proposed, more or less subtly? A strong Occident which can defeat the islamic invasion towards a weak Occident which is going to be conquered by the islamic ideology. Trump or Isis, in other words. OK, maybe we don’t need to fall so low down to Trump: the same juxtaposition is put forward by many of other extreme right wing parties. Or us or them. If you don’t choose us, you’ll be conquered by those monsters. If you open to muslim immigrants, their poisonous culture will spread. We must defend our values, we must defend our tradition, also our christian tradition. And what are those values? Submission of female humans; separation between the sexes; clearly defined gender roles; hate and punishment of homosexuality; fear and contempt towards physical pleasure (read: sex) especially if it’s experienced by the female human; possession and control by the parents, especially the father, over the offspring; horror of the nudity; fun seen as a sin and therefore strictly limited; conviction that the real life begins when you’re dead if you was a good human when you were alive (that means if you was a total asshole).
So, recapitulating: the solution to fight Isis and generally the regressive values of islam is behaving exactly as them imposing the same regressive values. Mh, that might work! (cit: Babs, Chicken Run). So I guess that all the fuss is about what to eat on feast days and how to dress up.
I don’t understand why it’s almost given for granted that if you don’t agree with the western conservative parties then you are on the “muslim side” and viceversa. Well, maybe it can be true for you, for your small little brains which cannot go beyond imaginary dualities, just because you are too weak and stupid to build your own identities and must absolutely grab at the first prepackaged tribe ready for you at the supermarket. But don’t worry about us, we have enough hate and critical sensibility for all of you.
I’m not fond of muslims. I’m sceptical towards them, even if I wouldn’t let them drown when they’re fleeing the wars which are devastating their countries, even if I’m absolutely convinced, and I also have pretty good proofs of it, that there are intelligent and valuable muslims fighting for the respect of each individual. But since circa 90% of humans are shit, and since the components of this 90% spend their time waiting for something which can in any way authorize them to be even more shit and behave even more shittily, I’m sceptical towards muslims. But hey, I have breaking news for you: I’m sceptical also towards christians, and jews, and all those who believe that there is something which is called “proper” that is more important than something called “respectful”. We aliens are very democratic in our scorn. Stop telling the old lie according to which the christian values are peaceful and benevolent: christians had crusades, christians had religion wars, christians have terrorists, fights against abortion and contraceptives, sexism, homophobia, racism. So stop saying bullshit.
I’m not a philanthropist. How could I be? I totally agree with throwing out muslim immigrants if they support terrorism, if they don’t respect the people of the country where they have moved in, or also if they simply behave in a sexist and homophobic way; I also totally agree with throwing out Trump for the same reason, and since we’re on the subject I would also gladly throw out the Pope, and a good quantity of priests, and imams, and bigots and conservative people. Out of the country where I live, sure – why should I tolerate the company of such people, annoying as well as useless to build a better society? – but if it was for me, if it was for us, they would be thrown out of the Earth, and then out of the Universe. EXTEEERMINATE! EXTEEERMINATE! OK OK I’ll quit it (how can Dr. Who be a philanthropist by the way?).
What still eludes my comprehension is why western conservative people and fundamentalist muslims don’t collaborate. They want exactly the same things, I don’t see where the problem is. When they say that Trump is the white Isis, they do it to tease him but seriously, it’s the truth! He’s literally the white Isis. But still, they aim to the same objective and they fight each other. Why? After having reflected upon it for a while, I came to two possible solutions:
– it’s because of the difference in skin colours (and other minor differences, like clothes, food, language). Think about it: apart from some minorities, on average the western christian conservative is kinda whitish; while on average the fundamentalist muslim is kinda brownish. It’s the kind of difference that humans tend to notice, because it’s easy to see, even if it could be totally irrelevant. But it’s very evident. It’s more or less like when a male human and a female human like each other and want to produce whelps together: they have the same purpose and they might reach it collaborating and being kind to each other. But in the moment of mating, or even some time before if they are not totally numb, they notice that their bodies are different. The male sees this thing sticking out from his crotch while the female notices this fold of flesh dripping mucus: they scream «Oh my gawwwwwwd our bodies are different!» and they start doing a mess with gender roles and stuff.
– they’re actually allies but they’re keeping it secret. They count on the fact that people are not able to shape their own ideology and in this way, when the rest of the mass is put in front of the choice reactionary conservatism toward reactionary conservatism, they’re likely to choose reactionary conservatism. Even if I find this theory interesting… well, probabilities that it’s true are very low. I cannot really imagine right wing extremists and muslim fundamentalists to be intelligent enough to play this trick. It’s more realistic to assume they’re just stupid, which brings back to the first theory.
Remember, humans: the real war is between respect and lack of respect, beauty and ugliness, creativity and conformism, logic and stupidity, curiosity and fear of the unknown. The real war is between us and you. And when you’ll be too busy yelling at one another and fighting to impose the same dismal values, we’ll come dancing and shaking silver bells, jingling and giggling and then, oh, then you’ll be fucked.
P.S. This version is amazing.